Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
