What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sorry about my life...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
