Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
