Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
