I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
