I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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