He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
