I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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