if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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