grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
