Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
