I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
