does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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