I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
