where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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