another moral hangover. fuck.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
