I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
