I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know her cup size but not her name....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
