He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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