Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
