so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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