Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
