I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
