I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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