Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
