I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
