I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
