He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
