Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
