so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
