David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
