Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
