There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
