White coat. Heels.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
