I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
