I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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