So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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