I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
