she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
