her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
