its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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