I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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