All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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