My friends, they love my intelligence
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
