Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
