She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
