I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
