if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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