you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
