you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
