walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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