Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
