he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
