I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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