This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
