My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
